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Saturday, March 8, 2014

Choose Your Love - Love Your Choice

Today is my 6 year wedding anniversary. S - I - X. For reals? 6. What the crazy. I mean, I can't remember my life before him, but to say the word "SIX" sounds like a LOT. I remember when we first got married, a coworker told me she had been married for 5 years, and I thought, "WOW! You're old! That's such a long time." Now. That's me plus one more. Six years.




6 years is a lot to put into one blog post. In fact, I can't even do it. It would start with a story about a Tuesday night where I was wearing my "I traded my boyfriend for a sparkler" shirt and this cute american history major told me I could touch his KG's {those are basketball shoes, p.s.}, and somewhere in the middle would be a halloween at village inn ... lots of travels ... a little yellow house ... some crazy years of unemployment ... a whole lot of love ... and a little beautiful baby bundle. But, like I said, 6 years is a lot to sum up in a few paragraphs. What I do want to write about, though, is how amazing and trying and funny and crazy and hard and wonderful and perfect marriage is. 

free printable from Crafty Wife

{I love inspirational PINs, so you'll find lots of those helping me out!}



"Choose your love - love your choice." One of my most favorite quotes about marriage. Life is just a bunch of choices. Choose to be happy, choose to be sad, choose to be angry, choose to be patient, choose to laugh, choose to cry, choose that chick-fil-a meal with a giant dr pepper over the salad. Choosing the person you marry is kind of the biggest decision you'll ever make. The first step is easy. I chose my husband. There was never a doubt. I always knew. It's that second step that can be hard - love your choice. There will come a time in your marriage when you may not be very good at loving your choice. Something we fall into? Comparison. So-and-so's husband is #besthusbandever or so-and-so's wife lets her husband do this or that ... blah! It's awful. In today's social media world, we are constantly bombarded with how amazing everyone is. We all brog {blog + brag} at some point or another - and we all compare - and we all want that Pinterest home and life and love. Love your choice. You and your spouse are so great for each other. Don't put your time, thought and energy into thinking about anyone else's marriage or life. Comparison is the thief of joy. Put that effort into your own marriage! I promise you - if you make a mental decision to see the best in your spouse and to love them, you WILL DO IT. I've done it. It works. Is it always easy? Most of the time - YES! But in those hard times - remember - you chose your love - now love your choice! 


The Love Languages they didn't tell you about. You may have heard about these little things called The 5 Love Languages. Don't get me wrong - I think this is a great book. I know lots of marriages that have been completely improved by learning love languages and doing them. BUT. I think there are some no-no's that come with the love languages. {This is all just my opinion, remember!} It is super good to know if your spouse loves little gifts ... or needs to have her hand held {*yep! me!*} ... or feels loved when you listen to them unload their day's stresses ... etc. It is important to know how your spouse feels loved and to try to do more of that. BUT. Remember to see the ways your spouse shows they love you beyond the 5 and learn to accept that all your "needs" will not be constantly met. Instead of making the checklist of A-Z things YOU need and giving that to your spouse to check off every day - start by making a list of A-Z things your spouse already does to show they love you. You may surprise yourself at how long it is! I used to be awful at this. I probably still am. I used to give my husband a hard time for a lot of things {I thought} he WASN'T doing. It took me a long time to learn to acknowledge the things he WAS doing. That list was definitely longer. Love and support your spouse's strengths - don't just focus on the weaknesses. Because sometimes we forget the qualities that are the most important.


Communicate. I can be completely AWFUL at communicating. When I get upset, I shut off from the world. Put up walls. Go into my own head. And leave everyone out - including my husband. I have become a firm believer in talking and opening up. It's another thing that took me a long time to learn (and I'm still working on it). You can talk about ANYTHING with your spouse - as long as you do it in the right way. Don't yell it. Don't sarcasm it. Don't be condescending. Don't bring up past/present problems during a fight. Do it in the right way. Talk in a NICE way. It does wonders. A soft answer turneth away wrath. This, again, is just my personal feelings, but I tell my husband that if he comes to me in a nice manner - he can say anything. And I will listen. And vice versa. We try really hard to communicate nicely. And I've come to find that it actually works! It's kind of like that book that went around a few years ago: The Secret. It basically said that what you put out there in the world is what you'll get in return, so if you think positively and put out positive vibes, you'll get that back. Karma. The Golden Rule. It's all pretty darn true. Communication is SO key. A fight can be solved fast when talked about, in the right way. So often it's just a simple misunderstanding! {sometimes it's just cause you're hungry, though, and for that, the only solution is Taco Bell}


You're on the same team. A fave line of a fave song goes, "We should get jerseys, cause we make a good team." Remember how I said before that I shut out everyone when I'm upset? My husband sometimes has to remind me, "I'm on your team." As husband and wife, you're on the same team. You are working toward the same goals. One of my most favorite quotes is by Bruce R. McConkie {a previous apostle of the LDS Church}. I listened to a great talk from someone about this image of the triangle. Imagine a dot on both the husband and wife point of the triangle. As you and your husband move towards God - you move closer to each other. I think of this image a lot and it helps me keep the big picture in mind. Remember that your spouse is here to help you and root for you - you're on the same team. Be quick to forgive, try not to get offended easily, and CHOOSE happy.


Support your spouse in becoming {more} awesome. There was an amazing talk during the last General Conference of the LDS Church {yes, I quote church talks a lot, because they inspire me!}, by Elder Uchtdorf called You Can Do It Now! {click HERE to read it}. It is just about becoming the best version of yourself - you can do it! I heard it and it gave me this excitement in supporting my husband in helping him become the best he can be. I sort of saw our marriage in a new light. I learned to see him as he can become. And that's how I want people to see me. It was a really cool moment that I'll never forget. Just support your spouse and help them. I often have to remind myself that no one is perfect. I have my own checklist to work on. If you learn to see each other as you can become, you'll just love more. Can't explain it. It just happens. And it's kind of exciting. 



Get out of your head. Sometimes, our minds can be our worst enemies. If you're a person that does this, you know what I mean. If you're not, go kick back a Dr Pepper and skip this part. Get out of your head. If ever I was feeling down, my dad used to say to me, Forget yourself and go to work. Lose yourself in service - it works!

My last thing to say comes from one of those articles that went around Facebook a couple weeks ago. I don't normally stop to read them, but this one caught my eye. A guy traveled around interviewing all types of couples about marriage. He quoted a woman that had been married for over 60 years, and what she said is seriously amazing. Don't be afraid to be the one who loves the most. So that's what I leave you with. Don't be afraid.

read the article HERE
There are so many things married couples can say about marriage. Just a million things. I love reading about marriage! My friend Pamela wrote a cute article on dating during marriage, which she guest posted on my blog! It's so good - check it out HERE. I love her advice on just being together. I found another great article called How do you look at your spouse? on Joyful Family Life. Check it out HERE. Do you have a favorite article on marriage? I'd love to read it! Link it up in the comments.


Guys. Marriage is hard sometimes. Take two people, from two different lives, and put them together in a house and say "go be awesome together." It isn't always perfect, but there are perfect moments, and the good always major outweighs the bad. There are just times you share and moments you have that can't come through any other type of companionship. It's the craziest thing to choose one person that you want to spend every moment of every day with. I could spend a week with any other person, and after a few days, you know how it is, you're kind of like, "Ok ... I think I'm ready for my space here." But not with marriage. My husband and I, still, do everything together. And I can't explain how or why, but I just want to spend every second with him. It is so super cheesy, but it's really like all of me isn't complete until we are together. 


Marriage has given me the most joy of anything I've ever chosen to do. I'm so grateful I get to spend the rest of eternity kickin' it with this guy. Thanks for sharing my anniversary week with me! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. It was fun! See you in 6 more years. ;)

xo

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21 comments:

  1. Cindy DIYbeautifyMarch 8, 2014 at 7:49 AM

    Happy Anniversary Daniela! I found this post through the link at Link Party Palooza. What a great read and good solid advice for marriage! I've been married almost 22 years (holey schmoley, time flies!!) and can honestly say you've nailed it! I find if I'm not consistently working on these things, my marriage can go south pretty quick. Being NICE to each other and not being quick to defend myself and remembering all the little things he does RIGHT are so key for me because it is easy to get caught up in the ugly word of comparing. Thank you for these reminders :)

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  2. Happy anniversary! I love this post so much. It's refreshing to hear about a couple that still wants to be around each other all the time, even after six years. Especially because everywhere you look in the news people are giving up after such a short time. I can get caught up into the comparing game fairly easy, especially when all I read is how great someone's spouse is for doing all these things for them. Why can't we just be honest and say, "my husband/wife got on my last nerve today by leaving their laundry on the floor next to the basket"? I think that's much more healthy than the false positives we spread throughout our social media. :-) Thank you for sharing my printable! Heres to many more years of a happy and healthy marriage!

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  3. So fun!! You've learned lots of great things!!! Happy anniversary!!! :)

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  4. Oh this is so inspiring Daniela. Happy 6 years to you and your husband. I can say lotsa things about this post but what I like best is the quote that says "don't forget to be the one who loves most.." I guess I can be selfish at times and not mind my behavior especially when I'm tired from work. I also agree that in marriage, not all of our needs will be met but we can always work on them and look at the things that make us happy instead. And yes, my mind is my worst enemy, in one simple misunderstanding I can already think of a lot of bad things to say, it helps to just shut up when I have nothing good to say. :)

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  5. Brittnei WashingtonMarch 9, 2014 at 6:03 PM

    Daniela, thanks so much for sharing your marriage wisdom here. You said so many things that me and hubby can identify with. The love languages are so funny! It takes so long to just get to know a person and learning them as they grow is a whole different story. It's great to be able to grow together in a marriage! :)

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  6. Oh, I just loved reading your thoughts & this inspiring post,mama. It is so encouraging and uplifting and sums up the happiness marriage can truly bring to 2 people. The more time that passes in my marriage, the more I realize how sacred and special it truly is! No matter how hard it can get, or what you may face together, you can learn anything and everything in marriage (many of the things you mentioned in your post), and become better people together. How beautiful is that? A very happy happy 6th year anniversary to you and your hubby, I am so happy for you both!!!

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  7. Happy Anniversary. Beautiful words, very inspirational. Sometimes we all need these reminders :)

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  8. April @ 100lbcountdownMarch 11, 2014 at 6:31 AM

    Happy Anniversary! This is beautiful. I don't remember the exact quote, but one of my faves is something like If you're always working to out love each other, neither of you will ever be disappointed. It is somewhat along the lines of never being afraid to love more. I completely agree. We just hit the seven year mark and I realize that the longer we're married, sometimes the harder it is to remember the little simple things that each of you do to show love. Great post and thanks for sharing with Countdown in Style.

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  9. I totally agree, Cindy. Sometimes, it takes a mental effort to be nice! Not just in marriage - just in general. But I truly believe you can CHOOSE to be happy, and happiness will follow you. Congrats on 22 years! Take care. xo

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  10. Ha ha, oh Teresa, your comment totally made me laugh! My husband read through my post and was like, "Wow, you're very honest," and I told him I'm not going to write some cheesy post about how I get flowers every day and we never fight or raise our voices and never annoy each other. Because that's not true! Marriage IS hard sometimes, but it's so amazing and wonderful. I love your printable and just had to share it! Thanks friend! xo

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  11. Thanks, Amberly!!! xo

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  12. That is seriously my most favorite quote right now! Another quote I love (that I forgot to post!) is: "Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a personal to be loved." It just puts things in perspective. Writing this post helped me realize things I need to work on a little more, so I'm glad I did it. Have a great day! xo


    {it just says "Guest" as your name, so I'm not sure who you are, but thanks for being here anyway!} :)

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  13. I totally agree that you still get to know a person when you're married. You change and learn and grow like you said - and when you're married, you can do that together! I read a great article about marriage yesterday and the guy in it said he doesn't want "unconditional love" - meaning, he doesn't want someone to love him no matter what. He wants someone to expect him to be good - to want him to be the best version of himself - and together, to learn and grow. It was really great, and I agree. I want my husband and I to always be there for each other, but to also have love and respect and try to be the best we can. Thanks for stopping by! xo

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  14. Thanks, Pamela! You are so so sweet! Your marriage posts always inspire me, so it was fun to write one of my own. I love good, uplifting (real) messages about marriage. Anything that strengthens a marriage is good in my book! Love ya girl! xo

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  15. Thank you, Carie, for saying that. I hope my words were helpful. I meant everything I said. Have a great week!! xo

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  16. Thanks for that quote, April. I love that! It's funny how your mindset can change if you just try to "love more." It truly helps. If I'm upset, I just think, "I'm going to love him more!" and our hearts are both softened. Thanks again for your sweet words! xo

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  17. Belated Happy Anniversary, I am married 14 years on the same day as yours....I was married once before for 12 but only with him for 7 out of it, I could bare that any longer, it would have been 25 with him this past year. So either way I topped your years...Just kidding....I'm glad its all working out for you!!!! Enjoy the good times and try to make it through the bad times without doing or saying something mean, it will hurt you both. This coming from a person who was married to the devil himself. Stay well !!!

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  18. Love this. Love the line comparison is the theif of joy. The team mentality has gotten us through so many different things. We are a team and the first people we have to count on for everything is each other, sometimes only each other. Following with GFC now.
    Angela @ Time with A & N

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  19. Ha ha you definitely have topped me! :) Yes - if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Well said! Thank you for commenting. Enjoy your week, Lisa! xo

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  20. Love what you said, Angela. My husband has to remind me, "I'm on your team." He is! And when I get in that state of mind, I don't get bugged as easily. Thanks for stopping by and for following! :) xo

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  21. You're welcome. I wish I was still young and beautiful like you. Enjoy your week as well :)

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Thanks for the chat!

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